God designed marriage to be a lifelong covenant of companionship, as seen in Genesis 2:24. The biblical ideal is not just for couples to stay married but for them to find great joy in each other’s company, as Ecclesiastes 9:9 suggests. Since God joins a man and a woman in marriage, it should be honored and protected, as emphasized in Matthew 19:6. We must safeguard our own marriages from infidelity and neglect and respect the marriages of others through our actions and advice.
We should never encourage divorces that are not in line with the Bible. Some people are called by God to persevere in difficult marriages, and many of these can be transformed by God’s grace. In today’s culture, which is increasingly focused on therapy and has broad definitions of “abuse,” the pendulum has swung. In the past, there was an over – emphasis on protecting marriage at the expense of abuse victims. Now, there’s a risk of protecting alleged victims without adequately protecting the institution of marriage. As a result, some spouses who are unhappy with their marriages may give up too easily and divorce without proper biblical justification. However, both the Old and New Testaments provide legitimate biblical grounds for divorce.
When Does God Allow Divorce and Remarriage?
Divorce, at its core, means the termination of marital obligations. As demonstrated in Deuteronomy 24:1 – 4, this also implies the freedom to remarry. Jesus made it clear that divorce and remarriage without biblical grounds is sinful and tantamount to adultery (Matthew 19:9; see also 1 Corinthians 7:10 – 11). At the same time, He acknowledged that those who are divorced are considered divorced in the eyes of the law and those who have remarried are truly married.
Given that God hates divorce, why does He permit it and remarriage? Jesus explained, “Because of your hardness of heart” (Matthew 19:8). In a fallen world, some spouses will break the marriage covenant, so divorce must be regulated. While every divorce is a result of human sin, not everyone who divorces is sinning. Divorce in cases of adultery shows how seriously God takes violations of the marriage covenant. It can offer protection to the innocent party, and a godly remarriage can be a blessing. So, what are the specific circumstances when the Bible allows divorce and remarriage?
- Divorce on the Grounds of Sexual Sin
The mainstream view holds that Jesus twice declared divorce and remarriage are permitted in cases of sexual immorality (porneia, Matthew 5:32; 19:9). Proponents of the permanence view counter – argue that the clearest texts about divorce mention no exceptions (Mark 10:1 – 9; Luke 16:18) and that it’s explicitly stated that one is only free to remarry after the death of their spouse (Romans 7:2 – 3; 1 Corinthians 7:39). They also find support in the teachings of the church fathers who rejected all forms of divorce and remarriage.
Some who hold the permanence view claim that the exception refers to adultery during betrothal but before marriage (see Matthew 1:18 – 19). However, in Matthew 19, Jesus was being questioned about married people divorcing and remarrying, not about breaking an engagement. Those who adhere to the permanence view struggle to explain the porneia exception.
The mainstream view interprets the passages in Mark and Luke as stating the general rule about divorce, while Matthew clarifies that there are exceptions. For example, a speed limit sign sets a general rule, but an ambulance speeding to save a life isn’t breaking the law. The general rule is that marriage ends with the death of a spouse, but there are exceptions when one party violates the marriage covenant.
Those who recognize the porneia exception need to define the nature and extent of sexual sin that can serve as grounds for divorce. Some cases, like adultery and homosexual acts, are clear – cut. In other cases, such as pornography use or emotional affairs, wisdom is required. In my opinion, while pornography is generally less severe than physical adultery, it could be grounds for divorce if the guilty party refuses to resist the temptation and neglects their spouse, or in cases involving illegal child pornography.
Sexual immorality doesn’t automatically end a marriage; rather, it gives the innocent spouse the right to divorce. In many cases, through repentance and forgiveness, such marriages can be saved or restored. - Divorce on the Grounds of Abandonment
Although Paul encourages believers married to unbelievers to stay in their marriages, he also states that if the unbeliever leaves, the believer is no longer bound (1 Corinthians 7:12 – 16). This exception clearly applies when an unbelieving spouse initiates divorce or moves out.
I also believe that willful neglect of marital responsibilities can be a valid ground for divorce. This aligns with Exodus 21:10 – 11, which teaches that a wife whose husband fails to fulfill his basic marital duties of providing food, clothing, and conjugal rights can be freed (presumably to remarry, see 1 Corinthians 7:15, 39). Similar to cases of sexual immorality, wisdom is needed to determine the degree of neglect that constitutes grounds for divorce. We all fall short of fully fulfilling our marriage vows.
In my view, the abandonment exception clearly applies when an unbeliever willfully and heartlessly neglects their spouse. However, if the abandoning partner professes to be a believer, a process of confrontation and church discipline should be followed to give the individual an opportunity to repent. Ideally, divorce should be postponed until the church has decided to treat the unrepentant spouse as an unbeliever. - Abuse as a Form of Abandonment and Grounds for Divorce
Rather than considering it as a separate exception, spousal abuse is best seen as an extremely heinous form of marital neglect. In recent years, churches have come to explicitly recognize that we must take all forms of oppression and coercion seriously, not just physical violence. As with other grounds for divorce, we need discernment to distinguish between ordinary marital conflict and abuse.
We don’t want to be responsible for encouraging anyone to violate Scripture by leaving a difficult marriage sinfully or remarrying adulterously. At the same time, we don’t want to prevent people from enjoying the protection and freedom that God gives to those whose spouses have irreparably broken the marriage covenant.
In Carol’s case, the situation was clear – cut. Ryan was unrepentant in his adulterous relationship and had abusively threatened the lives of his wife and child in an attempt to regain control. Our church leadership team reported Ryan to the authorities, and he lost his job as a police officer. Carol and Ryan divorced. We saw Carol as similar to a young widow who could benefit from remarriage (1 Timothy 5:14). After some time, the Lord provided a godly husband for her, and she now enjoys a happy and fulfilling marriage.